Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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