What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
