I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
