Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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