operation have a gay friend backfired
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
