I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
