You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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