They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
