I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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