he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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