Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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