A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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