Girls should come with a carfax report
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
