What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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