Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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