Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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