I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
