when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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