When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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