Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have post one night stand depression
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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