you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
