We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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