so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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