I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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