My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
