If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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