she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
