the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
