Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
