I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
