it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
