I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
