# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
