to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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