he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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