I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
