But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
