The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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