i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
