so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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