I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
