thus making me awesome and them whores
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
