There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I AM VODKA MAN
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
