He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So. Much. Porn.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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