She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
