Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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