i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
