My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
