You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
