I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
