It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
