forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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